Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Banging 7 Gram Rocks? (It's how I roll) and "The GO"

So today is day one of living like Charlie Sheen, well, Ok, I actually started this a few days ago, but I just now got to the point where I could write about my experiences.
So, in the last post I mentioned my issues with the hippies and all of the self evaluation that I had been doing lately. (I hate when one blog post builds off another, and that's what I'm doing. I think each blog post should be like an episode of Seinfeld. You can watch it, without following the show and be completely entertained and then nominate it for a people's choice award a year after it's been off the air. That's what I aspire to be, in this blog...ok..back to the blog)
Anyway, I decided to follow the epic words of Charlie Sheen in this song
So, the first phrase that I decided to explore was:
"I was banging 7 gram rocks"
(this sounds like the beginning of a crappy paper I would have submitted in Spanish Class, but it would read like this: La primera frase que yo decidia explorar fue, "Yo estuve usando las rocas 7 gramas" It's so crappy, trust me)
 LA is the perfect back drop for this story. Crazy drug dealers driving the streets. Homeless people walking around Starbucks parking lots wearing only underwear and a kids life jackets. Armenians yelling at you for looking at their bagels. It's a rough town. The perfect place to BANG 7 GRAM ROCKS!
So I did it, and I was told I had a great time.  Unfortunately I woke up wearing a Tshirt from 2 concerts I didn't even go to, with a bag from Carl's Jr and a tea light candle. (Thanks Jeff for taking the pic)
This experience taught me that I'm pretty much invincible. No, I am.

This is short, so I will also talk about
       "I have one gear GO"
(This one will get a little bit more in depth.)
       Everyday we have to get up in the morning and GO. If you've ever met me, you probably know that I don't like to get up in the morning, and if I don't have somewhere to be, I won't do it. When I was in middle school, I was homeschooled and the only reason I ever got out of bed in the morning was to watch re-runs of Knight Rider. Yep. That's me.
       So, we wake up for our jobs, our kids, our appointments, but what happens when you don't have any of those things? Why do you ever wake up? Theoretically, you should wake up because you're not tired anymore, but really, c'mon, that's not going to happen. When I moved out here, I had no job, no kids, no appointments, no plans, no reason to wake up, but I still did. I didn't really know why, but Charlie Sheen says that he has one gear, GO. Maybe it was the GO that got me up. Sometimes you just do things because you have to. You want to pee so much that you get out of bed. No matter how much you hate your life, you feel that push inside your guts and you keep going. Deep down inside I knew/ know that I have to get up every morning and write a blog, and practice my ukulele, and write my stand up, and write my pilot, and write my feature, and go to work, because I know that I didn't leave everything I loved in Kentucky to sleep in LA.
        I'm positive that Charlie Sheen probably was talking about getting jazzed up on expensive cocaine, but the theory is the same. It's a focus on the force that moves us forward. (Not "The Force" from Star Wars. That doesn't move us forward. That "Force" controls our actions, but it also obey's our commands.) Charlie Sheen's GO and my GO are similar in that they keep us moving when sleep, and happiness, and fun die out. Dreams and Plans; Coke and Supermodels, it all works the same. Chew on that introspective stuff Hippies. I'm waking up in the morning and eating a healthy breakfast. That's the kind of girl I am.
Thanks Charlie.
So, we beat on, boats against the current, ceaselessly into the future (Shut up Fitzgerald, this is how I like it)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Get off my back Hippie: Aka The Hollywood Asians and How Charlie Sheen changes things

LA Sighting: I want to take a moment to acknowledge the medium sized group of Asian’s who are spreading the gospel on Hollywood Blvd. They wear safety vests so they don’t get hit by cars. They carry mega phones and yell into them. I can’t tell if they’re speaking English or not. The only reason I know that they are spreading the gospel is the large, slightly flimsy cross they carry and their signs. Every once in a while, you’ll be in the middle of something work related and the Asian’s will walk by, yelling with very heavy accents about Jesus. They’re very John the Baptist and not Joel Olsteen with their approach. There have been many days when I was walking to work, the Asians were sitting on the sidewalk of Hollywood Highschool, in a circle, singing songs, playing guitar, and speaking in tongues (trust me, I can tell). The hand gestures told me that they were Jesus songs. I didn’t understand the words. I don’t speak Asian, but I do know speaking in tongues when I see it.  I have a BA in Foreign Language.

To the Blog!
This is going to be a long blog. Maybe I’ll split it up. Ok, I’ll split it up.
This is the first part:
                For the past few weeks I’ve been feeling weird about myself. Asking questions like, why did I move here? What am I doing here? How am I going to survive on very little money? Who are my friends? Why am I so short? How do these white California girls get their butts to look like that, mine is like 36% Latina but I still can’t get a tan. I can’t wear leggings for pants I’m too fat. Then I had a run in with a hippie, similar to a run in I had with a SunTan City girl a year ago. It made me question myself. Am I not artsy enough? Am I too ha, ha, funny, funny, and not appreciative enough of natural beauty? Do I complain too much, and not read enough? Should I become a vegetarian? Should I buy some Toms?
                So, I took some time and looked inside and out, and cried a little bit, and then I realized some things:
1)      I am me. I am ha, ha, funny, funny. I have always been that way. It’s my coping mechanism. You have yours, and I have mine. 
2)      Some people are hippies.Some people hate hippies. I only hate people who are rude to customer service workers, and people who ask for lattes with no foam. (I hate those people!)
3)      I do complain too much and I should read more, but really, where did reading ever get anyone? I should write more, and I will.
4)      So, in lieu of not complaining as much, I decided to spend the next 6 days exploring some inspirational words, and incorporating them into my daily life.
The following song actually inspired me to try to live better. I know what you’re thinking, but listen to it, and see if the chord progression doesn’t make you want to do better.

Each of the next 6 days I will try to explore an inspirational phrase of Charlie Sheen as given to us by this auto tuned wonder. Here’s what you’re in for.

Banging 7 gram rocks (It’s how I roll)


Bipolar? Nope, Bi-winning!

I’m A Total Freaking Rock Star From Mars.

C’mon Bro, I got Tiger Blood!

If you borrowed my brain, you’d be like, dude, can’t handle it!

 I know that you are pre-judging the future posts of the blog, and all of my readers in Latvia (yes, I have readers in Latvia) you may be lost, but I promise, you will find yourself in one of these post and you will laugh or you will learn something about LA or a weird person I saw in LA.
It’s going to be a fast turn over, so get your reading glasses on and show a hippie how much you care about poetry or the earth or something and read this blog.  Charlie may change me.