Thursday, October 6, 2011

Are you Bi-polar? Nope, I’m from Kentucky and broke. I mean, winning

Whenever I meet a vegetarian I try to commiserate with them and I usually say that I am also a vegetarian, then I proceed to eat meat.  If they question me, I tell them I’m a non-practicing vegetarian, or I say that I culturally identify with vegetarians, but that’s not my personal persuasion of living. Try it, then, question the way you live your life.

As you know, I have been trying to live each day like Charlie Sheen.  It’s really hard, especially without the heroine. My last post was a couple of weeks ago, and I’m sure that all of my European readers and that one guy in Indonesia are wondering what happened to my challenge. Well, I took a week off from life and went back home to Louisville, KY. It was great to be home, but the weather was crap and I was so busy having friends that I didn’t have any time to write the blog that my friends read.

So, I’m back and in LA and hating on hippies even more than I did before. Luckily for me, I had a co-worker say this to me the other day, and it sparked this blog back to life.

“I like how you can cut me down and simultaneously support me in the same sentence” 
I responded, “Yeah I’m a Gemini” but really I though, hey, that sounds Bi-polar! I’ve been trying to get someone to ask me if I was bi-polar for weeks! Finally!
So, the next part was trying to find out how I was bi-winning, or how I could start bi-winning. I found myself talking to a friend of mine who had been cheating on his wife for years and I thought, wow, dude, you are bi-winning! Even losers bi-win now and then.
Then I realized: I think I’m bi-losing…bi-coastal bi-losing, the worst kind of bi-losing, really. I am losing in LA and I am losing in Kentucky.

When I went home, I just wanted to see my family and the people I cared about the most, and I did. I was actually pretty nervous about seeing everyone else. I didn’t want to be disillusioned. Everything looks perfect from far away.
Some people haven’t changed a bit. Some have changed for the better. Some I had forgotten that I didn’t like anyway.  Others have just lost themselves. I didn’t even recognize them. Then there were the people who reminded me why I moved here. It’s remarkable what an hour with the right people can do. Inspirational
Then, sometimes, a special person kicks you right in the ‘nads and you realize that you are losing. That happened in Kentucky too. So, when I got back to LA and realized how disgusting life can be, and got kicked in the ‘nads  by my bank account, I realized, I AM BI-LOSING! I am losing personally and I am losing officially! I’m sorry Charlie Sheen.

I don’t know how to fix this. I guess time should do it? To bi-win we must first bi-lose? That sounds Biblical. But I don’t wanna bi-lose! I want to bi-win dagnabbit! Win here, win there, win, win everywhere!

My wins are so little, like, I found my black and pink argyle sock the other day. My bangs look pretty good on a consistent basis, and my check engine light on my car went off for a couple minutes the other day. I don’t even know if those are considered wins. I guess the point of this could be to appreciate the tiny wins everyday and hope that they outweigh the overwhelming feeling of my bi-coastal bi-losing? Nope, I’m just going to listen to obscure music on YouTube, wear hats, and wallow in my sea of self-centered self-loathing.  

The next post is “I’m a Total Freaking Rock star from Mars.” Maybe this next section will be more positive.

The best part of being in the basement is knowing that there is an entire building sitting on top of you…no wait…