Job Interviews = Stupid

The past few weeks have been super busy, mostly job hunting. In the time I’ve been here I applied to 3 Olive Gardens, 4 Starbucks, 2 Internships, a Greek Café, and 2 Temp Agencies, I had 6 Interviews in a week, and all of them were really similar.

I think I may have stumbled upon a new form of legal torture in the USA. It’s called the job interview. I used to think that auditions were pretty close to torture, but now I am 100% sure that it’s interviews. There is no possible way that people who are hiring for and running successful businesses can seriously be asking the types of questions that I was asked during these interviews! My brother says I give off a vibe of stupid when people first meet me, and this is the reason interviewers ask me stupid questions. (I was always told I gave off a vibe of jerk. Maybe I’m aging out of jerk to stupid?)

Here is a short rundown of how my average interview went:

Boss: Hi Brittany, So, I see you’ve worked mostly in Louisville, KY…is that…um…

Brittany: That’s where I’m from. I just moved to California.

Boss: Oh wow, so do you have family out here? Or you just moved out here?

Brittany: I just moved out here to pursue acting and writing.

Boss: Wow really? You moved all the way out here to California just to act? What made you do that?

This is the point that I realized that people in California have no idea that the Hollywood in Los Angeles is the same Hollywood that is in the movies. Every single job interviewer acted completely shocked that I would move to Los Angeles to try and become an actor or writer. Generally the following happened.

Boss: So, if you’re wanting to be an actor, it makes me worry that you would just quit this job if you found your dream gig.

Really? You’re worried that I might get the job of my dreams and quit this one? That’s crazy! Because I can’t think of one human on the planet that would quit working a minimum wage job at a Greek Café just because they were offered a job hanging out on a movie set with George Clooney. I mean I’m sure that your life-long dream was to be a fast food manager and NOTHING could make you quit this. Who doesn’t love sweating their butt off in pit of dish water and people’s half eaten food? Look Sir, I want to work here so much that I promise you, if all of my dreams came true, and I had the opportunity to live a life completely fulfilled, I would give it up, just so that you wouldn’t have to try to find another minion to cover my shift at your extremely important Greek Café. I mean, I know we just met, but I care that much about you and this job.

I didn’t ever say that, but I wanted to every time! After a couple of interviews I started to answer the questions like this

Boss: Why did you move to California?

Brittany: The weather! (Giggle) and I want to be a writer and there are more opportunities out here.

Boss: a writer? Doesn’t that take up a lot of time?

Brittany: Oh, no. I like to write a little bit each day in my spare time. Hopefully I’ll find an agent in the next three years and maybe I’ll be able to do something then.

Yes, I plan on working behind your cash register for the next three years. I can totally survive for that long on $8.00 an hour. I mean after working 2 hours I can almost buy 2 gallons of gas.

Boss: So, tell me about a time when you’ve had a conflict in the work place and how you resolved it.

If I truthfully answered this question, it would go something like this:

Well, I’m a chick and I’m kind of a jerk. So, if I think someone has a problem with me, I just start being as sarcastic as possible and eventually the truth will come out and I’ll deal with it then, if I deem it necessary. My inner female will play the part of passive aggressive and the jerk will take the role of sarcastic truth.

I really said,

I generally get along with everyone, but if I have a conflict I try to resolve it the person quickly. I hate tension at work.

 Then comes the best question of all!

Boss: Tell me your greatest weakness.

Honestly, I’m probably going to be late for work most of the time. Most people at work won’t like me at first, but they will warm up to me. I am going to offend at least 3 of your customers and make you feel stupid at least once.

Or I could say that my greatest weakness is actually strength. Then give some very vague statements about my feelings toward the extremely important workplace, because this is more than just a job for me. Serving food is my life and I always want to give 100% in my life!

After I played these sick mind games with the under educated and over forty, six times in one week, I was ready to quit and become one of the people who stand in front of the Chinese Theatre dressed like Sponge Bob and take pictures with kids for dollars. But, after 2 months of trying and almost 3 interviews, I was hired by a restaurant that I will call “The Black Olive” (Since using the real name could be bad for my job) I was also hired by a major chain coffee shop that I will call, “Central Perk” in honor of the show Friends and this company’s popularity in the late 90s. I will keep everyone updated with how, my awesome new jobs play out, and how my future “low maintenance writing career” progresses.

Until then,

Adios

Introducing: Me! My first week, the SWAT Team and Tourrets.

Hello!
I am one of many LA Newbies. I've moved to this fine city to follow my dreams of being a star or at least working in the entertainment industry. I've decided to start this blog to keep friends and family (and the occasional reader who has followed a very long rabbit trail after a Google search) aware of the goings on in my life.
I've been in LA for a little over a week and have realized there are quite a few things to get used to.

Paying for Parking: Unless you are at the airport or a major event, it never happens in Kentucky. It always happens in LA. Get used to it.
Being Unemployed: It is really uncool in Kentucky to be unemployed. It's pretty average here. So is being homeless. Get used to it.
Traffic: Only during rush hour in Kentucky in designated spots. From 6:30-10 and from 3-7. No amount of yelling will make it stop. Get used to it.

Other than that. Life has been pretty great. It's mostly been sunny, but one time, I thought it rained because the sidewalks were wet, but then I realized that it was raining the same time everyday and only the sidewalks were wet. It was the sprinklers.
My first Sunday night here, roommate Jeff and I went over to our friend’s house and we couldn't get back home because there was a shoot out in front of our apartment. Wait, did I forget to mention that THERE WAS A SHOOT OUT IN FRONT OF OUR APARTMENT!!!!! Because there was one!

Let me elaborate.
-11:30 PM: I’m driving home (not using the GPS because I’m getting that good with my navigation skills) and my street is blocked off. So, I circle the block to come in on the other side. My street is blocked off this way too. So, I have no idea how to get home. I pull up to the blockade and say to the cop, “I live on this street. I need to get home.  He responds with, “There is a shoot out in progress. I can’t let you do that.” Well, ok then. At this time, I notice the helicopter with the spot light circling my block. Jeff and I wait at a restaurant called Tommy’s that serves hamburgers with chili on them, and I start texting Victoria who is in our apartment, which is apparently located on the OK corral!

-12:00 AM: The restaurant closed and Jeff and I decide to wait it out in the parking lot of a 7 eleven at the end of our block.   

- 12:30 AM: the helicopter leaves, and Jeff and I become hopeful. 

- 1:30 AM The cops decide to get coffee at the 7 eleven, and I ask them to give me a time frame. They have no idea what a time frame is.

- 2:00 AM: the cops approach my car, and say to me words that inspired me to blog. Words that I never thought I would hear, and words that I hope I never hear again. They say, “Ma’am, we’re sending in the SWAT TEAM to evacuate the apartment s on the street, so it’s going to be another 4 hours or so. You should make plans to stay somewhere else tonight.”  I have been in LA for one week and already I have a run in with the cops, a shootout, and the SWAT team is involved!

                Jeff and I drive out to my friend’s house (who lives 30 mins away) and stay the night there. I still have no idea what happened with the shooting, and haven’t been able to find anything about it on the news. Creepy 

                Two days later, I hang out with my friend Candice whom I haven’t seen in almost 10 years! We had a blast. We had dinner at TGI Friday’s and then stayed pretty late for their Tuesday night Karaoke. I then encounter DJ Debbi. Debbi is in her late 50’s. She has bleached blonde hair. She has the top half shaved about two inches long, and the rest is past her shoulders. She, essentially, has a reverse bowl cut. She also has turrets. She will randomly yell, “Young man!” in a high pitched voice over the microphone. Karaoke was awesome!

                This blog is getting long, so I’m going to end it. There has been so much great stuff that’s happened in LA so far. I've actually had some cool acting things look like they may happen. I've been hunting for jobs, because even though unemployment is cool, I just can't do it. I have some pretty cool roommates, and I've been having reoccurring nightmares about Robert Redford, but those are for the next one. Oh, and there is a homeless man in the living room, sleeping on my couch. True Story! I’ll let you know how that works out!