To all of you who expressed your concern regarding my friend Tom who I mentioned
was sick last week, thank you so much for your sentiments. Tom passed away last
Tuesday on September 11th. I didn’t mention it then because I didn’t
really feel like I would have the appropriate words to be respectful but still
mournful at the same time. I’m sure I still don’t, I mean, can you ever?
I’m
going to tell you a little about my buddy Tom Duddy. He was from the North
East, complete with the accent and was super offensive to many a Kentucky
woman. He was the best. I could go on for hours about all the nonsense that Tom
and I talked about, but I’ll just let you know why he was a legend, because Tom
was a legend. Tom had this magical ability to find people. People who were hurt
or people who needed something, and he would find them a best friend. Tom was
there for me on at least a million occasions and I don’t even think he knew it.
When I studied abroad, he was one of the few people who kept in contact with
me. When this evil chick in college was spreading rumors that I was sleeping
with my teacher (and I was still getting Bs?!?!) Tom would introduce himself to
my friends and my fiancé, and even was engaged to me for a few months on
facebook until the entire thing blew over.
That
was just the tip of the iceberg. Tom travelled for work all the time, and
wherever he went, he would meet people who just needed to talk. He would
listen. I’m sure there are people all over the world who don’t even know he’s
passed. I guess that’s how those things are. If you live life right, there will
be a huge network of people who have been touched by your existing.
I
guess that’s where my feelings come in. I’ve always been pretty good at
accepting death as a part of life. You can’t be sad for the dead. No matter
what you believe, there is always some rational that death is a pleasant thing for
those we love/who are good. Either there is some sort of paradise or there is nothing
at all, so you can’t mourn for them. We cry for ourselves, we miss them, we
needed them, we don’t like what has happened. Our feelings in death can be such
selfish things, but the more upset you are for someone’s death, the more proud
you have to be of them. They did something worth missing.
Tom
taught me something great. He taught me that I don’t want to be looking for
another Tom Duddy, I want to be a Tom Duddy. Tom was a guy who was just your
friend because he wanted to be. He didn’t use people. I don’t once remember him
talking about his own need to get ahead. He didn’t use people, he was there for
everyone. I guess this just makes me want to carry on the legacy. So often we
live our lives saying, what about me? Where is my best friend? Where is my
support system? Why haven’t I achieved this? Why am I here? Instead I want to
be that best friend, the support system. Everything else will fall into place.
I want there to be a huge group of
people that can say, when I met Brittany everything changed. I don’t want to be
just another person on someone’s list who used them. I want to be as sincere as
I felt Tom Duddy to be.
That’s Living the Dream.
